call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
