I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize