I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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