Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
