When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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