A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
