would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
