I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
