There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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