walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
