THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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