i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
