i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
