i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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