I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
