I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
