I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize