just tell him i said nine months
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Holy sore nipples Batman
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
