I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
