who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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