2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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