You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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