Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
