Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
