help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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