why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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