I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
