@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I want a musical about memes.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize