It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
