Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
