Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
