Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
