At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
