literally had 100 drinks last night.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize