Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
