Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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