hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
