if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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