Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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