I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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