I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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