i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize