First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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