There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Boobs are out for the taking
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
