like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
