One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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