you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
