She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
