smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
