You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
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As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
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She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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