I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
