Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
