do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
