smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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