Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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