This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
