Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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