I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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