there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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