before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
