there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
