She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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