I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
