there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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