You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
