Pappa wants mamma naked
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
