Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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