and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
