I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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