I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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