whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
