she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
