Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
