After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
