I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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