Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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