I was born with a shot glass in my hand
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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