Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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